an "old" masterpiece

okay guys... here's the script for my class play last year, on the trojan war... you know... the stupid wooden horse (altho, ours looked more like pretty pony... Heh.)

Director’s Copy

The Trojan War

Scene: Wedding Of Peleus & Thetis

Camera zooms in on Priestess, Peleus, Thetis

Priestess: (turns to Peleus) King Peleus, ruler of Myrmidons, do you agree to take the Lady Thetis as your wife?

Peleus: I do.

Priestess: (turns to Thetis) Lady Thetis, nymph of the Mediterranean Seas, do you agree to take the King Peleus as your husband?

Thetis: I do.

Priestess: I hereby pronounce you husband and wife.

Crowd starts clapping & throwing flowers at the happy couple.

Camera zooms out to show the crowd of wedding guests.

Camera cuts to show Eris.

Eris standing alone, hands balled into fists, looking extremely sulky.

Eris: I am Eris, goddess of discord and strife. How is it that a goddess of my position is not invited
to this wedding?! (stamps foot on floor)
(screams) I WILL NOT TAKE THIS INSULT LYING DOWN!!!
(produces a golden apple from toga and ‘carves’ on it) To the most beautiful.
(smiles maliciously) A mere apple this may be but more trouble than anyone can imagine
will come out of this. For it is thrown from the hand of Eris herself, goddess of
discord and strife.

Camera pans out to show wedding crowd on right of Eris.

Crowd milling around, laughing and joking, congratulating the couple, etc.

Eris throws the golden apple into the crowd.

Camera zooms in to show crowd only.

Hera picks up the fallen apple.

Hera: (puzzled voice) What’s this? An apple? To the most beautiful. (pleased tone) Ah… It must be
for me then.

Athena sashays over.

Athena: (bitchy tone) Most beautiful? Hera dear, you flatter yourself too much. This golden apple is
mine.
Athena plucks apple from Hera’s hands. Hera looks shocked and insulted.

Aphrodite joins them.

Aphrodite: (ditzy tone) Am I the subject of yet another conversation?
(takes apple from Athena)
Aphrodite the most beautiful? How lovely!

Hera: (looking murderous, voice dripping with sarcasm) Excuse me?

The three goddess start a bitch fight. Keep grabbing apple from each other.

Camera pans out to show Eris watching the fight.

Looking smug, Eris lets out an evil laugh (MAWHAHAHAHAHA) & sashays off.

Camera turns back to wedding crowd.

Crowd is now silent, watching the fighting goddess.

Hera, Athena, Aphrodite continue arguing among themselves.

“You beautiful? Hello?!” / “You may be a lot of things, honey, but beautiful just ain’t it.” / “Look in mirror for goodness’ sake!” / “Back off, ugly! This apple is mine!”

Suddenly, Athena grabs apple and thrusts apple at Paris who just happens to be standing near her.

Athena: Prince Paris of Troy, you name the most beautiful among us.

Paris stares at the three goddess, a perplexed expression on his face.

A very short while later…

Hera: (in a grand stage whisper) I am the most beautiful, am I not, dear Paris? Name me and I
shall make you, youngest son of Priam, the ruler of Troy!

Athena: (desperately) NO! Name me the most beautiful. I, Athena the goddess of war and power,
can give victory over those hated Greeks.

Hera: (contempt tone) Victory over Greeks? Bleah. That is nothing. How does Paris, ruler of
Europe and Asia sound? Good? It can be yours…
Aphrodite: (ignoring the bickering goddess and looking straight at Paris) Paris, I am Aphrodite, the
goddess of love. I can give you the love of the most beautiful mortal woman there is.

Paris: I have made my choice. Aphrodite is the most beautiful of you three. (gives golden apple to
Aphrodite)

Athena: (hissing voice) Bribery!

Hera and Athena walk off, head held high. The crowd scatters.

Aphrodite: (walks up to Paris) Go to Sparta, Paris. For it is there that your promised woman
resides. Do not despair when you see her. Trust in me.

Aphrodite also leaves, leaving Paris standing alone, looking thoughtful.

Scene: Sparta, Greece, in the presence of King Menelaus

Camera shows Menelaus and Helen sitting on thrones.

Paris is standing before them. Helen just looks bored, looking to the side.

Menelaus: Welcome to Sparta, Prince Paris of Troy. This is my wife, Helen.

Paris: (giving a gigantic fake smile) You are most lucky, King Menelaus, to have the most beautiful
woman in the world as your wife…

Helen begins to take notice of Paris, looks at him for the first time.

Camera cuts to show Aphrodite, watching the proceedings with interest.

Aphrodite: (to herself) So, Paris… She is what you think the most beautiful. Very well then… You
shall have her. After all, it’s not like anything that happens after this is my responsibility.

(for Helen’s ears only) Paris. He’s the man for you. Forget Menelaus.

Camera cuts Aphrodite out of the shot.

Helen straightens suddenly, looking around her fearfully.

Menelaus: Is everything all right, dear?

Helen: Yes, yes. It’s nothing. (gives Menelaus a cold look) Dear.

Camera follows Paris & Helen.
Helen sees Paris, goes up to him. Starts talking to him and giggles like an airhead. He takes her hand and they stroll off to his ship.

Paris: Leave this place with me, Helen. I love you.

Helen: Are you rich and powerful, Paris?

Paris: I am Prince Paris of Troy. Need you ask more?

Helen: I love money and I love power even more. Therefore, my pretty Paris, I love you too.

Paris: Then, let us sail off this very minute. (shouts to his captain) NOW, captain!

The ship moves off.

Camera back to King Menelaus, with his war general, Ulysses.

Ulysses: Sir, Paris. He has left Sparta. He was seen taking Queen Helen with him.

Menelaus: (angrily) WHAT?! Queen Helen? We must sail after them at once. Gather the troops!

Ulysses: (bows) This instant, Your Majesty.

Scene: Outside Troy’s gates
Camera shows entire scene, gates / both armies and all.

Menelaus stands before the gates, his army at his back. Priam and 2 bodyguards comes to meet them.

Menelaus: I am here for my Queen, Helen. Give her back this instant, or I will
shatter your gates. Do you understand?

Priam: Crystal, King Menelaus. But she is Helen of Troy now. We’ll never let her go! You can
declare war on us, slaughter our armies but Helen remains Helen of Troy!

Menelaus and army rushes forwards and are met by the Trojan army. The soldiers fight, yelling war chants and screaming. Fall back, then rush forward again. Clash three times.

Scene: The Greek camp

Camera shows a group of soldiers sitting together during mealtime.

A soldier: We’ve been here ten freaking years and still, Troy stands. Let us give up this madness
and just go home to Greece where our family awaits.

Soldiers around him shout their approval. “Aye!” / “That’s the spirit, boy.” / “Home home!” (impromptu)
Amid this riot, Ulysses speaks up, above the din.

Ulysses: Comrades, do not despair! Soon, Troy will be ours!
Soldiers: (in surprise) How? How is this possible?

Ulysses: I have a plan.

Soldiers crowd around him. Muffled talking. Soldiers lean back from discussion.

Soldier: Wow! Ulysses, you are an absolute genius!

Scene: Outside Troy’s gates

Camera shows a huge wooden horse stands before Troy’s gates. A man, Sinon, stands beside it.

The rest of the Greeks are gone. Trojans appear at the gates and start shouting.

Trojans: (shouting in puzzlement) What’s this? / A horse?!

Sinon: (humble tone) I am a human sacrifice to grant my people a favourable journey home, Troy.
My people have left Troy. We know now that we cannot win. This horse is our offering to the goddess Athena. I am for you to do with as you wish.

Priam: (walks out to horse then turns to his people) Trojans, the Greeks have been defeated!

Trojans start cheering. “The Greeks have been defeated!” / screams and shouts

Sinon: Sir, bringing this horse into the city will make Troy invulnerable.

Priam: (nods thoughtfully, raises his arms and talks to his people) Trojans, this scared horse is the
symbol of our triumph. Bring it into the city for display. Let all our enemies learn to fear us!

Cassandra: (runs to Priam & screams desperately) NOOO, father! (grabs Priam’s arm) Trojans,
take care! Do not take this horse into our city. Within this horse lies the end of Troy!

Trojans: (reproachful tone) But the Greeks have already been defeated! / To leave this mighty gift
is madness!

Cassandra: (still screaming) NOOO!!! Don’t bring the horse in!

Cassandra gets swept away by the cheering crowd into the gates. Sinon is left behind. He follows into the gates, unnoticed.

Scene: Dead of the night

Camera shows Trojans are lying around on tables and chairs.

They’re drunk from the celebrating. Wooden horse standing the middle of the city.

Sinon emerges from behind some tables and frees the Greeks from the wooden horse.

Camera follows Sinon.

Sinon opens the gates and lets in the rest of the Greek army.

Camera back to the city centre.

The Greek soldiers move around the city, waking the sleeping Trojans and holding them prisoners.

Suddenly, Paris wakes up and sees the Greek soldiers.

Paris: (screaming in terror) Argh! The Greeks are back! Help!

Paris leaps up and runs. Philoctetes throws a spear at his retreating back. Paris falls to the ground, twitches and dies.

Camera shows a Greek soldiers surrounding a group of Trojan prisoners sitting on the ground. The Greek start cheering.

Greeks: “Victory! Victory!” / “Troy is ours!” / “The Trojans are defeated!”

Camera cuts to Menelaus.

Menelaus is walking alone, looking left and right for something. Suddenly, he spots what he’s looking for (outside the shot) and strides towards it purposefully. It is Helen, sprawled on a couch.

Menelaus: Ah… Helen, there you are.

Helen: (coldly) Finally won, haven’t you?

Menelaus: Yes yes. Let’s go back now, Helen.

Helen and Menelaus walk back to city centre. Helen sees Paris lying on the streets.

Helen: (in a voice of despair) Paris!

Menelaus: (satisfied voice) Ah… He is dead then. Who killed him?

Philoctetes: I did, Your Majesty. (continues boasting about his heroic act, impromptu)

Menelaus: (cuts in) Yes yes. You deserve a medal, boy. I’ll see to it. (waves Philoctetes away)

Philoctetes bowing & mumbling thank you in the background. Then, walks off, sulking

Menelaus: (turns to Helen) You aren’t still moping over him, are you?

Helen: (distressed look disappears to be replaced by the “poor little me” look)
(simpering, looking for pity tone) No no. Oh Menelaus, he forced me to go with him. Then
back in Troy, he made me marry him. And… And… (on the verge of tears)

Menelaus: (cuts in, impatient tone) Yes yes. I am sure he did all that and more. And that you had
no choice but to comply. Now, make yourself useful or move out of the useful people’s
way!

Helen looks angry for a moment, then moves out of shot, crying. “Paris, of Paris! Oh my pretty boy!”

Camera shows Menelaus and army continue organizing stuff / giving orders / herding prisoners, etc.

Eris (voice-over): (smug tone) Well well well… What that one little apple achieved… It amazes
goddess like me. Mawhahahahahahaha…

Eris’ evil laughter trails off.

The End

Script ©JaSmiNE

Heh. was hell getting eveyone to co-operate but yet, if you give me a choice, i'll do it all over again. and given that i'm know as the original Singapore Loudhailer, screaming my lungs out to get things done my way is no big chore to me! Heh. anyway, given that i wanna make it as a big shot movie director in future, no choice lah. gotta get used to screaming my tortured lungs out at my crew... heh.

a new age take on some old age sayings...

this improvement has got to be better!!!
If you've got it, flaunt it
... becomes
If you've got it, exploit it! (like using one's BIG butt to "accidentally" bump people around. heh.)
&
I am woman, hear me roar!
...becomes
I am bitch, hear me "RAWRRR!!!"
heh.
MidNight

Spiderman?! i think not.

Given that Peter Parker can't even spin webs outta his ass like a real spider can... what right does he have to call himself Spiderman?!
Haha! just imagine the movie tho... V. highly censored... i defy anyone to make a half decentversion of this spiderman!!! wahahaha!

still on the theme of EVIL!!!

given the choice between two evils, why go for the lesser evil?! since you're gonna do it anyway, might as well do all the way, all proper and stuff... it's a sin either way...
Heh.
or maybe it's just me?
MidNight