Why I Have BOTH the Best & the Worst Job In World.

Newly addicted to playing Team Fortress 2, I have both the best and the worst job in the world. (In real life, I mean. I suck at playing ALL the classes anyway.)

On the one hand, working for Daddy Dearest from his home office means that I get to play computer games until my eyes fall out of their sockets.

On the other hand, this happens all the time...

(in game)
"BLU Team has secured the point.

Countdown..."

(real life)
Doorbell rings:"Ding Dong."

I get shouted at, "Go answer the door!!!"

and by the time I return to my Stud, it's like,

"BLU Team has secured all the control points."

Guessed I missed ALL the action. Urgh. Well, all I can play is Heavy or the Soldier at the moment anyway.

Probably pissed off the all my team mates the SINGLE time I tried playing the Demoman. I could launch the bombs, but for the life of me, I just can't figure out how the Hell to detonate the damn things. AAARRRGGGHHH!!!

Still, I'm not complaining. (The other people on the servers probably had a lot to say about the disappearing Heavy though.) In any other job, I wouldn't be able to play and still get paid anyway.

Commitment

A pal of mine tried to introduce me to a heavily-tattooed pal of his on Friendster after I mentioned that I think ink is HOT.

Nothing much amusing about that. The thing that really REALLY tickled me was that he "warned" me beforehand that "sorry, but he's already married."

One. Whatever in Hell makes people assume that I'd wanna bang every guy whom they(NOT moi) consider "hot"?!

Two. Even funnier. What makes anyone think that the hot fella in question being married is going to deter me?! Ok, so I'm not the type to go around wreaking marriages, and sure, older guys turn me on, but I haven't scored one of my own yet, have I? Why all these baseless assumptions, guys? Come on. Please.

EDIT:Besides, married?! I think gay guys are way hotter. And seeing as gay marriage isn't allowed here... Guess I wasn't gonna be interested anyway. Gay PORNSTARS are hot, not just any gay guy. Hee.

Whoops. Time for class. Ta-ta!
MidNight

Teenage BOYS are such CHEAPstakes!

For starters, NONE of the idiots wanted to PAY subscription fees to watch the World Cup. Eventually, it was revealed that one of us had bought the subscription package. Immediately, ALL the BOYS tried to "invite" themselves over.

My friend laughed. "What? Nobody's bringing tributes?"

Their responses?
"I'll bring potato chips."
"I'll bring prawn crackers."
"I'll bring Coca-Cola."

I felt COMPELLED to speak up then. "That's it? Nobody's bringing the beer?" (I know he's a fan of Stella too, my poison of choice. We kinda agree that Tiger tastes like horse piss and Carlsberg's not quite to my taste.)

The idiots:"He SHOULD have beer at his place."

BLOODY CHEAPSTAKES! If it were me, I'd be offering, "Oh, I'll bring the WINE AND the CAVIAR."

I'm highly flattered though, when my friend turned to me and asked moi if I'd like to enjoy football matches at his place.

Unfortunately...

"Sorry, man. I'd love to, but the last time I left my prison at 4am in the morning, it was on a stretcher, into an ambulance, and straight to the hospital where I lost/wasted about 6 months of my life."

Pity.

~MidNight The Magnificent

BEST PORN EVER!

Of the few buds I have who dare to continue a conversation of the above topic(Face it, nobody BUT ME admits that they dig porn...) with me, I have concluded that gay(for me)/lesbian(for him) porn is the hottest and/or best porn there is on the Internet.

Some gay porn for my female readers...


And here's lesbian porn for my male readers...


And the awesome thing about gay/lesbian porn that appeals to us, respectively? NO NEED TO LOOK AT OTHER GIRLS' BOOBS/OTHER GUYS' DICKS. (Yuck.)

Heterosexual as we are, we only like/want to ogle at the anatomy of members of the opposite sex. Hell, if we'd wanted to examine genitals that're the same as what we have in minute detail, all we gotta do is masturbate in the shower. In front of a nice big full length mirror. So not my thing. I like dicks. Though, I'm also very thankful that I do not have one of my own.

Really BIG dicks...


I like dicks. I like to ogle pornstars'. Specifically, ridiculously well-hung pornstars'. I imagine it'll be a total pain in the ass (literally? I don't like anal either. The idea of it is repulsive.) fucking somebody that HUGE though. No, I don't need a ridiculously well-hung fuck buddy. A normal fella who knows HOW to wield his tool is WAYYY better than some dickhead with a huge dong but doesn't know HOW to use it. For now though, it's really really HOT to ogle ridiculously HUGE dicks. I so need to get my paws on a few copies of Playgirl. Or any other good gay porn magazine.

Awesome gay porn magazine...


Oh, and you KNOW you're just pissed at me because you don't get any porn. Go google it for yourself, people! (I'm trying to keep my blog somewhat clean here.)

High as fuck and horny as Hell(but not stupid enough to try and fuck any of my friends because that's just RUINING a perfectly good friendship.),
Queen MidNight

BEST Mika Song Ever!!!

Of course, I always say that whenever a new Mika song is released, but seriously, this is just such a good song, dammit.




Gotta love Mika. Besides, just listen to the lyrics! It's really meaningful. "We're not cool... We are free... And we're running with blood on our knees!"

Please Don't Think Me MAD.

Woohoo! I've FINALLY decided on my beautiful new baby's name!

Everybody, take a look at the beautiful picture below and say Hello! to my Stud. (Oh yes, I'm fully AWARE of how that last sentence sounded and I don't give a fuck what people might say. I love him! A-woohoo!)

Does anybody even give a fuck about blogs anymore?

Yes, I'm well aware that I NEVER updated this thing when blogging was the fad/the in-thing.

Yet, here I am. Sticking to this old "dump" when the rest of the whole damn world is on fucking Twitter/Facebook. I'm still here! Making semi-regular updates. Does anyone still give a fuck anymore, other than yours truly, that is? (Even when you take ALL my split personalities into account, I'm still a very small, insignificant number.) I never liked limiting my speeches to 160 characters anyway. Bloody Hell, I talk so much that even 160 WORDS aren't enough!

Oh well. I ain't competing for most eyeballs anyway. I just need some place to rant and rave, and if a few of my close friends drop by every so often, that keeps me happy enough. At least I always have decent traffic over at FictionPress. Though. I haven't had much time to write recently. Night class is turning out to be taking up more of my time than I expected.

But at least, I don't have to "hold a PROPER day job." (What a relief! Ssh! Don't tell Daddy Dearest that!)

~MidNight The Magnificent

I LOVE MY BABY!!!

Check him out!!!



Isn't he beautiful? LOVE LOVE LOVE!!! (Yes, I'm obsessed. Deal with it.)

Woohoo!
MidNight

Sherlock Holmes:Something I Gotta Try At Least Once...

Haha! Waking up handcuffed to the bed?! I gotta try that out at least ONCE, man.

Okay. Okay. Fine. Maybe/Probably not personally, but it's just such a good kinky trick to pull on fuck buddies. Doubt he'll like fucking me much after that, but what the hell.

~MidNight The Magnificent

Getting Comfortable Chatting With The Guys...

Dammit. I get so comfortable chatting with the guys that oftentimes, I absolutely forget who I'm in a conversation with and off shoots my big mouth before my brain even realizes the words that're spewing out of my hungry mouth like busy buzzing honey bees. (Don't worry, nobody gets stung. At least, not literally. Still, I have faith in all my friends' egos to take whatever "abuse" I dish out and bounce back with complete and utter zip! Instantly.)

Anyway, I was chatting with the a friend and somehow, the conversation got 'round to eyepatches. (Don't ask.)

Naturally, came the comparisons between MGS's Solid Snake
and (my personal favourite) Escape From New York's Snake Plissken .

Me:"Snake Plissken's flesh and blood, which turns me on more than pixels."
(pause)"And I can't believe I just told everyone that. ALOUD."

Thankfully, I'm so much considered as just "another one of the guys" that nobody's embarrassed(Not that I'd be expected to be, anyway. Too shameless for such a thing as that.)., and we can just laugh it off. HAHA!

Stupid girls.

~Queen MidNight

Crazy Relative Shit That Happens In Hong Kong...

This nosey, gossipy cousin (Actually, I hate all of them, but this one's particularly annoying. Very in-my-face. And I usually punch people out of my face. Only I wasn't on home territory there and I really didn't want to kick up a fuss in the Hong Kong prison cells.) came over and started ACTING all friendly with me! Purpose? She wanted to find out about my "relationship status".

Conversation went something like this:

Cuz:"Hey, so do you you have any boyfriends?" (Very direct. Didn't even bother with polite small talk.)

Me:(monosyllabic)"No."

Cuz:"Why not? Surely you must be the least bit interested in BOYS."

Me:"No."

Cuz:"Oh. You're a lesbian then?"

Me:"(grins sweetly) Well... Used to be. But I really prefer a real hard cock to a strap-on when it comes to fucking."

Haha! Thank gods THAT got her off my back, practically RUNNING to get away from me. I just pray that the mother doesn't hear about this, or there'll be Hell for me pay.

You love me and you know it.

~MidNight

Joking Around With The Guys Pt. 2

"Insulting his manhood?! Come on, it's not like I said that he was small-sized(it's even funnier when you consider the fact that I'm siting down, somewhere right about crotch-level when Sir is standing there, teaching!), alright?" (It was a computer lab, not lecture hall, which explains much?)

And when Sir is willing to SUSPEND lessons for 15 minutes just so the dudes can can come around giving me hi-fives(while the stupid girls just SULK in a corner giving me the evil eye.), I know that he's a really good sport and that he likes me, man. Not to mention returning my hi-five at the end of it all when I grinned at him, "No hard feelings, right, sir?"

~MidNight

Insulting his manhood indeed. Ha! Oh well.

Take A Joke!

Sir is explaining solutions to an exercise that we did in class.
M:"Excuse me, Sir, but could you put it into the (shared) student drive so that we can retrieve copies of it?" (so that we could view it on our individual computers in the lab)
Sir:"Of course."
M:"Thank you. (pause) Not that you are unpleasant to look at, of course, but it's really tiring to keep moving one's head up and down. (angelic grin)"-Yes, I can pull it off!
Class laughs raucously. Well. The guys laughed. I don't think women get me, and frankly, I don't give a fuck about it either!

Hehe!

M really really appreciates a guy who can laugh WITH her, as some of the guys joked, even after, "(I) just insulted (his) manhood."!

Learnt A V Important Thing That I Must Share With All

As long as something does NOT involve bail money, it's good to be done.

Yeah, I'm good to go, baby.

~MidNight